Substance.

"Now Faith is the substance of all things hoped for; the evidence of things unseen."
Hebrews 11:1

It's been five days since I've been here - oh I've been here and tried to post, (there are three drafts that I have to get rid of) but for the situation our family is in, every time I started to type, the words felt terribly inadequate. Last night, I was emotionally drained and knew that nothing would sound right so I did an online jigsaw puzzle and went to bed. And prayed myself to sleep.
You see, two of our children, Scott and Tina, are having a very rough time of it and I feel so helpless. My prayers feel so feeble. I literally sobbed all the way home yesterday, and "talked it out" with our Father. Some days I can do the work thing, travel to and from work and not cry a single tear. Then there are days like yesterday when I crossed out many of the things on my to do list (accomplished), but barely managed to get to the car after work before I just let it out. In the end, when I got home, there was just sadness and helplessness.
And still, when I think of the above Scripture verse - one which I memorized years and years ago, I am assured of one thing. God, in His divine wisdom, has given us the knowledge that try as we may, it's not up to us. Not at all. BUT, He doesn't prevent us from insisting that it is in our hands. It's the human nature thing. That's what gives our faith the truest test. Back and forth, back and forth - You can take it from me, God...no wait, not yet. We say we are strong in our faith and yet, we don't trust it all to Jesus. I love Jesus, but it's so darned hard to trust Him with these things. Oh I do trust my eternity to Him, and wouldn't you think that I could trust to Him the most precious blessings God has given to me - my children - as well? When Laurie and Stephen were deployed, I think most people at work were surprised that I wasn't a basket case. Well. at least not on the outside. It was because, once I got through the initial terror and anxiety, I realized that THEY were trusting that I was trusting them to the Lord...and rarely did I take them back from Him. I did occasionally, but mostly I knew that wouldn't do any good at all - especially for the kids.
And now, when the tears have been shed (and there will be many more I am sure) , and the disbelief becomes reality, and every moment throughout, there will still be the comfort of Hebrews 11:1 - God's Word and my faith through God's grace. He's gotten me 60 years into this life, so who am I to let things change now?
His grace - more and more He is teaching me that it is sufficient for us all. I just need to remember that from moment to moment on each and every day.
May our troops - and those who wait - feel His love and strength and may it give them courage.
Blessings my friends.